Not long ago, I’ve noticed I’m not closing the first door till I opened the second one.
Upon entering our flat, we have a tiny room shared with our neighbours. It’s mostly for saving warmth and better sound isolation. This room has a sensor-equipped lamp that is connecteed to the power source. When there’s movement, there’s light.
A month or two ago, I paid attention I never close the first door before I opened the second one. ‘Why is so?’ was I wondering. ‘It doesn’t make sense, it’s some weird habit’ was my train of thought. There’s always light, and I’m keeping the extra tiny task unfinished. It’s easier to open-close first door and open-close second one, instead of opening first door, opening second door, closing first door, closing second door. Isn’t it?
This morning, upon returning home from our pre-school, I forced myself to close the first door before opening second one. ‘Aaaaahhh, this!’ I realised immediately. We have no electricity, and while the first door opened, there’s street light from the window, enough for things to be visible. Closing this first door, makes the tiny room (which has just 3 doors and no windows) completely dark. I’m trained to operate in complete darkness, and I’m good at it. But having lights on is still easier.
Fascinating is not that I developed this habit over two years of blackouts. It is that I forgot why this habit exists!
I have one other weird habit from my childhood. While I am in a bathroom washing hands, I don’t turn off the water till the whole process is finished. Usually I open the water to the max, so it’s a strong stream of water gushing for no reason. I’ve been working for almost two decades to control this habit. I open the water stream lightly, make my hands wet, turn off the water, wash my hands with soap, then turn the water back on again. It’s a water-saving procedure at first, and there’s no real reason to keep that water running.
That’s what I’ve been teaching my son to do, as he used to open it like I did during most of my with-parents years. He does it for fun. I did that out of anxiety or to shut up the yelling person. I’ve been yelled at very often, and when I’ve been hiding in a bathroom behind the door, I’ve been yelled at even more. So, I’ve developed this habit of opening the water to the max, just to hear the yells less. These days, I control this, more or so. I don’t think he ever saw me doing the gushing water washing procedure. Even if I don’t turn off the water immediately, usually I’m quick to notice that, and stop the water running.
Although, this thing appears at the moments of stress or anxiety. Even despite these days I have this new habit, I don’t spend resources enforcing it, it’s automatic. The old habit may never leave me, I guess. Same with some tremors that came from my childhood. Most of them are never present, but at some moments they’re back.
Will this ‘the power may be off at any moment’ thing stay? I’m only came appreciating Mac mini format of a computer, in favour of a laptop with battery.
Fucking ruzzians.
Reply by Email